Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ouch

Today we considered a referral for a baby named who has some special needs.  Unfortunately, we decided against it.  It was a long, emotional day researching her medical conditions.  In the end, we felt completely unprepared to handle the potential disabilities in her future.  What a hard decision.  I kept going in circles:

If God blessed us with a biological child who had significant special needs, obviously we would raise him/her.

So who are we to turn away a child with significant special needs?

At the same time, God knows what we can handle.

Another thought: maybe adopting a child with special needs is a calling that not everyone has on their lives.

I don't know the answer.  I just know we both felt huge relief when I emailed our agency with our answer.
Please pray for baby T to come home soon to a family who will love her and commit to her care...

Our Father, we entrust this child to You, knowing You have a plan for her life.  You formed her in her mother's womb and she has great value to You, despite the value she holds in the world's eyes.  Please unite her with her loving family soon.  Amen.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Snaffoo

Warning: negativity ahead...
So, you know how we mailed our Dossier off WEEKS ago? Well, we got an email from our adoption agency today informing us we are missing something. Ethiopia has just added a new requirement to the Dossier - a copy of BOTH parents' passports. I had not yet ordered mine as I thought we wouldn't need it for months. So, I ordered it last night but the U.S. passport offices are notoriously slow, meaning it will be at least another month before we are "technically" waiting. Ugh. I thought I was a pretty laid back person but this adoption is really pushing me to my limits. I won't go into all the other stuff that's weighing me down right now - let's just say "when it rains, it pours."

Lord, I'm angry. I'm exhausted. I'm ready to be DONE with the paperwork. I'm ready to be on the waiting list. Please help me let go of these feelings that are doing me no good. I know Your timing is perfect and maybe this happened for a reason. It's just frustrating when I feel that our babies await & this means it will take even longer for us to bring them home. I need Your strength tonight. Amen.



Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Pregnant, sort of...

I have heard people compare the wait for referral (when we get a call about a specific child/ren we can adopt) to pregnancy. I have to say, THEY ARE SO RIGHT! Our paperwork is in ("conceived") and referral is now imminent ("pregnant"). Suddenly, I am ridden with anxiety. I have a To Do list a mile long, which must be completed before babies come. AND...

How are we going to get it all done in time?

What if my baby is sick over there? Or being abused? There is nothing I can do to stop it!

How are we both going to leave Shep & travel across the world?! I haven't even left him overnight!

How am I going to complete my Master's degree with more children if I can hardly keep up right now?!

Ahhhhh!

Ironically, I am helping plan stations for an upcoming midweek worship at church & one of the passages says:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Phillipians 4:4-7

Creator God, You are so good to me. To remind me of how incredibly blessed beyond measure I am when I am so reluctant to trust you with things. I have so many reasons to rejoice: an amazing, loving husband, a blissfully happy, healthy son, a fabulous extended family, fun friends, ability to be a full-time mom, a comfortable home, food in the kitchen, flowers & vegetables growing in the yard, the opportunity to earn my Master's doing what I feel called to do, a loan that covers our adoption expenses, and a child/ren soon to join our family. And that is just the surface of my life! Lord, help me remember to count my blessings and trust my "curses" to You. And help me finish that list in time! Amen.